If Canada had primaries

01.21.04

While we’re on the subject below, though, imagine what would happen if Canadian political parties chose their leaders the way US ones do: through province-by-province primaries.

I can just picture it now:

“…As we follow this exciting primary race for the Conservative Party nomination to Quebec, the first province to vote. In this province with a history of a politically independent spirit, the candidate who comes out ahead is not guaranteed to win the leadership, but it will surely set the tone. Front-runner Stephen Harper has elected to skip campaigning in Quebec, shoring up his efforts in his Western Canada stronghold. In the meantime, following her pledge to learn more French, outside candidate Belinda Stonach has been hitting the campaign trail hard… reportedly, she’s managed to learn one phrase: “voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”.

“…As there are only four registered Conservative Party members in Quebec eligible to vote, the votes shouldn’t take too long to count. And here are the results. Would you look at this! Stephen Harper, considered the sure front-runner, tied with Stronach with only one vote apiece. What a setback for Harper and a boost for the Stronach campaign! But the far and away winner is, with a commanding lead of two votes or fifty percent of the Quebec vote, why, it’s Moman, from La Petite Vie!

“…Next week, Ontario votes, and we will see if surprise candidate Moman can maintain his commanding lead across the country. It looks all over for Harper, though.”

Yeah, okay, primaries are a bad idea.

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