Oh yeah. Here.

Let’s compare the two. Here’s Obama:

“That month makes a difference,” the president said. “It means that kids are losing a lot of what they learn during the school year during the summer. It’s especially severe for poorer kids who may not see as many books in the house during the summers, aren’t getting as many educational opportunities.”

[ . . . ]

“We have got to identify teachers who are doing well. Teachers who are not doing well, we have got to give them the support and the training to do well. And if some teachers aren’t doing a good job, they’ve got to go,” Obama said.

And here’s his fictional model, Congressman Matthew Santos, played by Jimmy Smits on the West Wing, circa 2005:

“America is 49th in the world in literacy. That’s down 18 spots in the last four years. Why? Well, for starters, the 180-day school year, that’s based on the agrarian calendar. But we’re in a global economy now. Japan’s at 243 days; Germany’s at 240. ”

[ . . . ]

“… which is why we need to end teacher tenure and get rid of failing teachers.”

Life imitating art? In the case of Santos/Obama, it’s certainly not the first time.

He and Michael Bublé sang their unique take on the national anthem. He’s done mock tryouts for events. He cheered on Shani Davis of the US speedskating team (which he sponsored) when he won his gold medal. He’s getting more press coverage than some of the top athletes. AP has called him “his own Olympic event“.

I’m not sure which is funnier: Stephen Colbert on his game, or the legions of people who don’t seem to understand that it’s satire.

Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday at a downtown Manhattan apartment, and police said drugs may have been a factor. The Australian-born actor was 28. Ledger had an appointment for a massage at the residence in the tony SoHo neighborhood, NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said. A housekeeper who went to let him know the massage therapist had arrived found him dead at 3:26 p.m.

He was one of my favourite actors, and not only because of the great accent and the fact that he was, erm, easy on the eyes. Performances like Brokeback Mountain proved that he had real talent and his career was only getting started.

He was just about my age. He had a young daughter. What a waste.

Finalists will compete in Oshawa, Ontario on March 20, which has been declared “Stephen Colbert Day” by Mayor John Gray. The winner will get a trip to New York City to attend a taping of The Colbert Report.

“There are two kinds of people in this world; those that are Stephen Colbert and those that wannabe Stephen Colbert. Most people fall into the second category. So here’s a chance for all the wannabe Colbert’s to step up,” said Brent Haynes of the Comedy Network, in a release.

March 20th is the mayor of Oshawa’s birthday; it was declared Stephen Colbert Day thanks to Colbert winning a hockey bet.

But the real question is, is Springsteen bigger than Jesus?

Police are investigating reports that James Blunt ran over someone’s foot as he was leaving a party, then drove off, authorities said Tuesday.

The alleged victim told police his foot was injured at a party Saturday around 1:50 a.m., police spokeswoman Martha Garcia said.

“Some of the witnesses also reported that it was Mr. Blunt who was driving the car,” she said.

“James was leaving a party and his car was swarmed by paparazzi,” Blunt’s publicist Sheila Richman said.

In a statement, she said the singer was driving “2 mph” and that he was “trying to navigate his car through all of the people.”

So what’s the new line of wisdom here? People who swarm cars shouldn’t complain when their feet get run over?

(Incidentally, James Blunt is one of those guilty pleasures that I’d love to claim I hate but actually has a much heavier rotation in my CD player than I’d care to admit… shhhhh….)

The day after Borat: The Movie was awarded a Golden Globe award, Cohen has decided to close the chapter on this character and move on:

Sacha Baron Cohen has killed off his controversial character Borat.

The British-born comic star insists the offensive fictional Kazakhstani reporter is now too famous to fool anyone again, but has revealed he is already working on new ideas.

One might think Cohen would be sad to let go of such a long-running (and cash-generating) character. But if anything, he sounds relieved:

He explained: “It was tiring having to stay in character, usually for about eight hours at a time, so as not to raise suspicion. There is a lot of physical preparation. I never washed the suit – when I come in the room there’s this terrible smell. And Borat doesn’t wear any deodorant.”

Now that’s commitment. Or insanity. Or both.

A spokeswoman for PETA said: “We encourage anyone who wears fur to watch videos of these animals being electrocuted, caught in traps, and skinned alive. Thousands of people, including Paris Hilton, have said that the videos changed their minds about wearing fur.

Sometimes, PETA makes itself such an easy target, that actually telling the joke is almost unfair…

I’m sure that, mixed in somewhere with her publicity-seeking media hogging behaviour, Madonna is trying to do some good in Africa, even if accidentally. But my sense is that Madonna knows about as much about poverty in Malawi as she does about the Kabbalah. In other words, not a whole lot. At least Angelina Jolie is sincerely involved in child poverty and refugee causes, and does a lot of work under the radar. On the other hand, Madonna seems to be just looking for the next new fad to fill whatever emptiness she has in her life. I feel bad for her kids – all of them.

If you want an interesting and informative perspective about Malawi from someone who’s actually spent some real time there, outside the presence of TV cameras, read this.

I’m not religious by most definitions, but I’ve always liked the concept, and particularly the notion that we need to be forgiven by people before we can be forgiven by G-d. The latter part is personal, but the former is, I believe, a prerequisite for all people of any religion or background who live in a society. See, a sin against G-d, such as failure to keep Shabat or eating pork, could only potentially affect the person committing it, so it’s up to each of us to decide for ourselves what we choose to observe. However, sins against our fellow human beings cause real harm to people. It’s the so-called “victimless crime” argument; a crime becomes more serious due to the consequence of committing harm to someone else.

So, in that spirit, I ask forgiveness from anyone reading this who I may have wronged in the past.

And, if you’re in the process of doing the same, and one of the people you happen to have wronged last year is Stephen Colbert, here’s how to make amends:

• Sadaam’s judge doesn’t think he was a dictator. So what was he, then? A democratically-elected leader? A royal monarch? The winner of the first season of Iraqi Idol?
• The new Palestinian “unity” government appears likely to get its funding back from Europe, though the U.S. isn’t on board.
• Amnesty said Hezbollah committed war crimes, in what Charles Johnson over at LGF dubbed a flying pig moment. I’m shocked too. Amnesty gets so much more money and support when it’s directing its wrath at Israel.
• In a big sign of normalcy returning to the country, Israel’s getting its international soccer games back.
• Germany ordained its first rabbis since 1942. See that big middle finger in the air, you neo-Nazi assholes?
• Speaking of Jews and Europe, Pajamas Media is all over this under-reported story about the defamation trial that just begun in France against three Jewish citizens who questioned the French Channel 2 network for its coverage of the Mohammed Al-Dura affair.
• The Pope has pissed off Muslims, it seems, by making some statements that, regardless of their intent, will surely be taken way out of context. This could be a thing.
• Bibi said that Ahmadinejad is “more dangerous than Hitler”. You’d think such a normally-competent debater would’ve heard of Godwin’s Law, no?
• And in other news, Stephen Colbert’s bridge in Hungary looks like it isn’t going to happen, despite his large margin of victory in the online naming poll, due to the tiny problem of his failing to meet one of the qualifications – being dead. Whoops! (By the way, Budapest rocks!)

Okay, I think that about does it for the ten-second catch-up. Or, as the BUZZ puts it, some “temporary relief from ignorance”.

Update: For a well-placed joke, this rumour’s sure making the rounds.

Update #2: Apparently the rumours made the front page of yesterday’s New York Times. Wow, where have I been?

Sure took ‘em long enough!

(Via Damian Penny).

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is…?
created with QuizFarm.com
(Via Imshin, who’s also a Hermione Granger).

D’oh! China has banished Homer Simpson, Pokemon and Mickey Mouse from prime time. Beginning Sept. 1, regulators have barred foreign cartoons from TV from 5 to 8 p.m. in an effort to protect China’s struggling animation studios, news reports said Sunday. The move allows the Monkey King and his Chinese pals to get the top TV viewing hours to themselves.

Foreign cartoons, especially from Japan, are hugely popular with China’s 250 million children and the country’s own animation studios have struggled to compete. Communist leaders are said to be frustrated that so many cartoons are foreign-made, especially after efforts to build up Chinese animation studios.

The most ironic part of this news story? That China, a Communist nation, is really doing nothing worse than what the CRTC does here in Canada. Ain’t it great living in such a free country?

This much-touted bilingual cop caper is an over-the-top parody of every shopworn Two Solitudes cliché in the book, with a whole lot of Québécois swearing thrown in for good measure. Anyone who takes this movie too seriously, and goes looking for minor things such as plot, suspense, logic or insight into human nature will probably be disappointed. But if you want to see some equal-opportunity bashing in two languages, then it’s highly worth the price of admission.

I hope some of you reading this in the ROC will go see this little gem when it’s released in theatres across the nation. Patrick Huard has perfect comic timing and one of those rubber faces and I hope this is the film to finally give him some much-deserved crossover success. Colm Feore is good at comedy – who knew? And Louis-Jose Houde steals every scene he’s in. The hockey plot as a backdrop is ludicrous, of course, but that’s kind of the point. It’s self-aware parody, and should be viewed as such.

Oh, and Rick Mercer’s imitation of Don Cherry is priceless.

Number of references to this blog on The West Wing: 0.

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Moral of the story? Want Canadiana? Leave Montreal and head to Ottawa.

The show plunged downhill after Aaron Sorkin left three seasons ago but has recovered a little bit this season. However, its move to Sunday nights has caused the ratings to drop enough that the network feels it’s time.

They’ve promised to give us an election winner – Santos or Vinick – but this means neither of them will actually take office on the show. In a way, it’s fitting; this was about Jed Bartlet’s presidency, and while the transition might’ve been accomplished, things will have come full circle by now. And with John Spencer’s death, the decision makes even more sense.

Still, I’ll be sad to see one of the last remaining intelligent TV shows end. On the bright side, this probably means the 7-season DVD box set will make it to my Amazon Wish List really soon.

Hey Paul: When even the American comedians are mocking your ads, they have to be really awful.

Then again, I suppose we should cut the Liberals some slack for how bad their campaign advertisements have been this time around. After all, their ad agencies all went and got themselves indicted in the sponsorship scandal.

(By the way, Colbert also had Andrew Sullivan on the show as his guest tonight. True to tongue-in-cheek form, his first question was “what is a blog?”)

Say it ain’t so! I’m starting to seriously regret skipping seeing the band on this tour in favour of Bon Jovi. Let’s hope it’s a false alarm, because I’d hate to think I missed my last chance to see U2 perform.

“Night” was required reading in high school French class (though I seem to remember most of us cheating by picking up the English translation from the library). It’s a powerful book and Wiesel emerged as one of the key voices of conscience on the Holocaust. There was a time when Wiesel’s word would have carried more weight than Oprah’s.

Then again, with Holocaust-denial on the rise (from the usual suspects and the Left and the Arab world), and with the generation of survivors slowly disappearing, perhaps this was the right time to push the book back into the spotlight.

Rock band U2, currently on tour in North America, is well-known for its human-rights advocacy, particularly its ongoing campaign to eradicate poverty in Africa. Less known to fans of the Irish supergroup, however, is that the lion’s share of these efforts are made by lead singer Bono. The three other U2 members are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa’s poor.

AP Entertainment headline, Jan 1 2006: Campaign irks Bono’s bandmates:

Rock star Bono said yesterday that his commitment to campaigning against poverty caused tensions within U2.

The musician said that at one point he feared his commitment to the anti-poverty cause might force him out of the band.

“They are hugely supportive spiritually and financially of the work I do, but they are in a rock ‘n’ roll band, and the first job of a rock ‘n’ roll band is not to be dull,” Bono told British Broadcasting Corp. radio.

“So we have to be very careful about just letting me go too far.”

The line between news and parody has perhaps never been fuzzier.

Shudder.

Spencer is perhaps best known for his portrayal of Leo McGarry on The West Wing. The character of Leo also suffered a sudden heart attack in Season 6, which, while not fatal, led to his replacement as White House Chief of Staff by Press Secretary C.J. Cregg (Allison Janney).

In a twist, in the current season, Leo is the Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee and running-mate of Matthew Santos (Jimmy Smits) who is squaring off against Arnold Vinick (Alan Alda) for President. What Spencer’s death will mean for the election result remains to be seen.

Fictional concerns aside, though, Spencer was far too young for such a tragedy. He will surely be missed.

Disposable camera purchased after realization that camera was forgotten at home: $12

Dinner at a tourist trap where a local radio station was holding a pre-show and contest to win wristbands to go up on stage during the show: $30

Winning said wristbands and being close enough to actually strum on Jon Bon Jovi’s guitar: Priceless.

(Photos to follow… once they’re developed.)

Gibson’s Con Artist Productions is developing “Flory” for ABC, based on the true story of a Dutch Jew named Flory Van Beek and her non-Jewish boyfriend who sheltered her from the Nazis, The New York Times and Variety reported in Wednesday editions.

Critics claimed Gibson’s blockbuster film “Passion of the Christ” was anti-Semitic, a charge Gibson has denied. Gibson’s father also is on the record denying that the Holocaust took place.

“For (Gibson) to be associated with this movie is cause for concern,” Rafael Medoff, director of the David S. Wyman Institute for Holocaust Studies in Melrose Park, Pa., told the Times. “He needs to come clean that he repudiates Holocaust denial.”

Now, I’m not saying that Gibson isn’t perfectly capable of making a good movie even set against a Holocaust backdrop. But I’m very, very skeptical, to put it mildly.

Bono, as I’ve said before, we want your views on politics just as much as we want Paul Martin donning a leather jacket and belting out “Where The Streets Have No Name”. Which is to say, not at all. Not that I expect U2 to get out of politics anytime soon.

On the radio this morning, one of the leaders of a local West Island charity phoned in and mentioned having run into Bono at Hurley’s Pub on Saturday night, and apparently having chatted with him about domestic versus foreign aid. I don’t know how much that will change government policy, but it’s sure great advertising for Hurley’s.

The superstar now lives in Bahrain and his lawyers have said that he no longer considers his Neverland Ranch in California as his home.

“They didn’t treat him right here. I know if I was him, I wouldn’t come back,” his father said.

You mean, it’s not just that he ran out of innocent kids to prey on in the US and has decided to go international? Or maybe he just realized that the only people buying his records anymore are overseas. Either way, I don’t think too many Americans will cry about his snub. If Bahrain wants him, they can have him.

What was that Springsteen song again? Oh yeah: 57 channels and nothing on…

The candidates threw out the debate rules and went after each other on issues including gun control, healthcare, education, immigration and even the word “liberal”. Why can’t real political debates be like that?

After all, politicians have essentially been actors for years. And I’m not just talking about Reagan or Schwarzenegger. Most of them are reading off rehearsed scripts, playing a part, saying their lines. So why don’t their lines ever sound so good in real life?

Now, the show has an obvious liberal bias, with Martin Sheen having played the fictional Democratic President Josiah Bartlett for the last 6 seasons. The show’s audience is over 75% Democrat, and its cast includes some of the most outspoken liberal actors in Hollywood. An online poll on the show’s site as to who won the fake debate is running 65% for Santos. In fact, an independent poll – yes, a real pollster actually ran a poll about fictional candidates, in a bizarre twist – surveyed an equal number of Democrats and Republicans and found that 59% favour Santos. It’s virtually pre-ordained that Smits is going to emerge the winner.

But Alda’s character is fighting a serious campaign. They’ve scripted Senator Vinick as a centrist, pro-choice Republican from California, with just enough centrist appeal that he could – theoretically – win the television presidency. An anti-Bush, in other words. And I must admit, if it were a real debate, he would have nearly wiped the floor with Matthew Santos… despite the fact that there were clearly lines he – presumably a Democrat in real life – nearly choked on while having to speak. Hell, I figure I’d be a Democrat if I were American, and even I woulda voted for him.

Wouldn’t it be gutsy of the show’s producers if they wrote a Vinick victory and let the Republicans take office on the show? Of course, it would be a Democrat’s funhouse version of the Republican party… but it would sure be more interesting than the assumed outcome. I’d love to see them try.

And you know what else would be really neat? If this debate inspired some real political debates to follow a similar format, allowing candidates to actually debate issues for a change. I’m willing to bet a lot more people would watch – and consequently, a lot more people would vote.

Update: I admit, I was curious about the fact that the debate was going to air twice – once on the east coast and once on the west. So I tuned into NBC Seattle and was rather shocked to notice that, though the script was nearly identical, the actors’ tones had changed dramatically. In debate #2, Santos seemed to be the clear winner, scoring definitive points over Vinick on nearly every issue. I wonder if the actors were coached in the interim to make a pre-determined Santos victory seem more plausible? At any rate, it’s amazing how the same lines could have such a different effect when spoken with slightly different pauses, tones and facial expressions. Food for thought.

But there’s no guarantee of success. Many Arab blogs and Internet chat sessions have become consumed with how unfunny “Al Shamshoon” is. “They’ve ruined it! Oh yes they have, sob. … Why? Why, why oh why?!!!!” wrote a blogger, “Noors,” from Oman.

Some longtime “Simpson” fans who are Arabs are incensed over the Arabized version. “This is just beyond the pale,” wrote As’ad AbuKhalil, a professor at California State University, Stanislaus, whose blog, angryarab blogspot, often touches on politics and the media. After viewing a promotional segment of “Al Shamshoon,” Prof. AbuKhalil wrote, “It was just painful. … The guy who played Homer Simpson was one of the most unfunny people I ever watched. Just drop the project, and air reruns of Tony Danza’s show instead.”

Few shows have more obsessed fans than “The Simpsons,” and their vast online community is worried about whether classic Simpsons dialogue can even be translated. One blogger wrote, “‘Hi-diddly-ho, neighbors!’ How the h — are they going to translate that? Or this great quote: Mr Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing. Well I say, hard cheese.”

I honestly don’t know how the satire, cultural references, guest stars, or much of anything in the Simpsons could ever be translated. Never mind the beer-is-now-soda thing… without the laughs, what’s the point?

However, reports say she may still get a special permit, issued, presumably, on the basis of being “really really rich and famous”.

Next, they’ll be hiring Michael Moore.

Most of mine, not too surprisingly, are cross-outs; songs that do well on the charts rarely appeal to me. Especially by 1997, when all the early-to-mid 90s good music was over. But here goes:

1. Candle In The Wind 1997, Elton John – I liked the original but the remake in the wake of Princess Diana’s death was cheap and exploitive.
2. Foolish Games / You Were Meant For Me, Jewel
3. I’ll Be Missing You, Puff Daddy and Faith Evans – this was when he was still called “Puff Daddy” and was just discovering how filthy-rich you can make it in the music biz by ripping off someone else’s work. At least Elton John (see #1) was only plagiarizing himself.
4. Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton
5. Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down, Puff Daddy
6. I Believe I Can Fly, R. Kelly
7. Don’t Let Go (Love), En Vogue
8. Return Of The Mack, Mark Morrison
9. How Do I Live, LeAnn Rimes
10. Wannabe, Spice Girls – I actually had a whole website at the time dedicated to my hatred of the Spice Girls… and of the Backstreet Boys (see #11).
11. Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), Backstreet Boys
12. MMMBop, Hanson – a classic SNL skit defined “torture” as being forced to listen to this repeatedly.
13. For You I Will, Monica
14. You Make Me Wanna…, Usher
15. Bitch, Meredith Brooks – Yep, that’s me
16. Nobody Keith Sweat
17. Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind
18. Barely Breathing, Duncan Sheik
19. Hard To Say I’m Sorry, Az Yet Featuring Peter Cetera
20. Mo Money Mo Problems, Notorious B.I.G.
21. The Freshmen, Verve Pipe
22. I Want You, Savage Garden
23. No Diggity, BLACKstreet Featuring Dr. Dre
24. I Belong To You (Every Time I See Your Face), Rome
25. Hypnotize, Notorious B.I.G.
26. Every Time I Close My Eyes, Babyface
27. In My Bed, Dru Hill
28. Say You’ll Be There, Spice Girls
29. Do You Know (What It Takes), Robyn
30. 4 Seasons Of Loneliness, Boyz II Men
31. G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T., Changing Faces
32. Honey, Mariah Carey
33. I Believe In You And Me, Whitney Houston
34. Da’ Dip, Freaknasty
35. 2 Become 1, Spice Girls
36. All For You, Sister Hazel
37. Cupid, 112
38. Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?, Paula Cole
39. Sunny Came Home, Shawn Colvin – this won the Grammy that year if I recall correctly; I still can’t figure out why, cause it’s fairly mediocre
40. It’s Your Love, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
41. Ooh Aah… Just A Little Bit, Gina G
42. Mouth, Merril Bainbridge
43. All Cried Out, Allure Featuring 112
44. I’m Still In Love With You, New Edition
45. Invisible Man, 98 Degrees
46. Not Tonight, Lil’ Kim
47. Look Into My Eyes, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
48. Get It Together, 702
49. All By Myself, Celine Dion
50. It’s All Coming Back To Me Now, Celine Dion – it’s all coming back to me just how much I can’t stand Celine Dion
51. My Love Is The Shhh!, Somethin’ For The People
52. Where Do You Go, No Mercy
53. I Finally Found Someone, Barbra Streisand and Bryan Adams – normally I like Bryan Adams but come on
54. I’ll Be, Foxy Brown Featuring Jay-Z
55. If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow
56. Never Make A Promise, Dru Hill
57. When You Love A Woman, Journey
58. Up Jumps Da Boogie, Magoo And Timbaland
59. I Don’t Want To / I Love Me Some Him, Toni Braxton
60. Everyday Is A Winding Road, Sheryl Crow
61. Cold Rock A Party, Mc Lyte
62. Pony, Ginuwine
63. Building A Mystery, Sarah McLachlan – I’m a fan but this isn’t one of my fave songs
64. I Love You Always Forever, Donna Lewis
65. Your Woman, White Town
66. C U When U Get There, Coolio
67. Change The World, Eric Clapton
68. My Baby Daddy, B-Rock and The Bizz
69. Tubthumping, Chumbawamba – gave Hanson a run for their money for most annoyingly awful song of the year.
70. Gotham City, R. Kelly
71. Last Night, Az Yet
72. ESPN Presents The Jock Jam, Various Artists
73. Big Daddy, Heavy D
74. What About Us, Total
75. Smile, Scarface
76. What’s On Tonight, Montell Jordan
77. Secret Garden, Bruce Springsteen
78. The One I Gave My Heart, w Aaliyah
79. Fly Like An Eagle, Seal
80. No Time, Lil’ Kim
81. Naked Eye, Luscious Jackson
82. Macarena (Bayside Boys Mix), Los Del Rio – was this the remake? I remember the Macarena being earlier than 1997.
83. On and On, Erykah Badu
84. Don’t Wanna Be A Player, Joe
85. I Shot The Sheriff, Warren G
86. You Should Be Mine (Don’t Waste Your Time), Brian McKnight Featuring Mase
87. Don’t Cry For Me Argentina, Madonna
88. Someone, SWV
89. Go The Distance, Michael Bolton
90. One More Time, Real McCoy
91. Butta Love, Next
92. Coco Jamboo, Mr. President
93. Twisted, Keith Sweat
94. Barbie Girl, Aqua
95. When You’re Gone / Free To Decide, Cranberries
96. Let Me Clear My Throat, DJ Kool
97. I Like It, Blackout Allstars
98. You’re Makin’ Me High / Let It Flow, Toni Braxton
99. You Must Love Me, Madonna
100. Let It Go, Ray J

As I suspected, that’s 85 strikeouts on a list of 100 songs. Of those I didn’t strike, I was generously indifferent in several cases and only found two I could tentatively underline; even those were a stretch.

I move that 1997 be nominated the worst year in music history.

Update: On second thought, there was plenty of excellent music in 1997. None of it made the charts, though. But I was having a very good music year in my personal history then. I attended my first three Collective Soul concerts that year, for example. The problem wasn’t with the music, it was with the charts. That’s my theory.

He has outlawed opera and ballet and railed against long hair and gold teeth, but now President Saparmurat Niyazov is determined to wipe out another perceived scourge: lip synching.

Niyazov has ordered a ban on lip synching performances across the tightly controlled Central Asian country, citing “a negative effect on the development of singing and musical art,” the president’s office said Tuesday.

Milli Vanilli will have to skip the Turkmenistan stop of their next tour, I suppose.

Rosie O’Donnell will join Harvey Fierstein in the Broadway revival of the musical “Fiddler on the Roof” on Sept. 20, the show’s producers said Monday. Fierstein plays Tevye the milkman, and O’Donnell will play his wife, Golde, according to a statement.

Oy vey.

I think the exact opposite. And judging by the comments section on her site, I’m not the only one.

An Iraqi bomb attack killed 98 people. We barely even blink anymore with the news of terrorist attacks in Iraq – maybe because they’re so commonplace, maybe because people assume it’s a country at war so for some reason these things are expected, maybe because some people even tacitly support them in their intense hatred for Bush and the Americans. I don’t know about any of that, but I do know that the 98 lives that were lost are just as tragic as 98 lives lost anyplace else, and that we need to stop taking terror for granted in Iraq.

In “what truce?”, part one zillion, five Israelis were wounded – 2 seriously – in mortar attacks on Neveh Dekalim, and the weekend saw over 10 Qassam rockets fired on Sderot. It is unclear which of the Palestinian factions is behind the attacks, though Hamas appears to be involved in the former. You know, the same Hamas that the Guardian thinks ain’t so bad despite its mandate to seek Israel’s destruction.

And the new Harry Potter book was released yesterday, to the delight of fans everywhere. I’ll wait to borrow someone’s copy, and hopefully nobody will spoil it for me before then.

“He’s very difficult to deal with because he won’t agree to things that he doesn’t believe he can deliver, although that is very frustrating and annoying and infuriating,” Bono told reporters while standing next to Martin.

Canada currently spends the equivalent of 0.26 percent of GDP on foreign aid. Martin says he would rather commit to small increases he knows he can afford than make long-term promises.

Bono, I love your music and the video for Where The Streets Have No Name kicks ass. So I mean this with all due respect: shut up!

Martin may be a weak political leader who waffles more than an Eggo, but at least he’s a political leader. Who elected Bono leader of anything?

This is just part of a larger rant that I have about celebrities and politics. We used to have economists talking about the economy, international relations experts discussing international relations, political analysts talking politics… Agree or disagree, the people leading the discourse usually actually knew something about their topic and had solid credentials in their field.

Since when did “#1 on the Billboard rock charts” become a credential for discussing world trade or poverty?

This is not a new phenomenon. It’s been going on for years, and has been encouraged by the fact that stars get publicity for their political action, and are under a large amount of pressure to pretend to care about causes bigger than themselves. Some actually do care. I have no problem with that.

What I do have a problem with is this notion that we’re supposed to listen to them because they’re celebrities. In a debate about world trade, if you put a Ph.D. in global economics at a table with Jeanine Garofalo, why should we assume that they’re on equal footing to discuss the issues? I won’t give much weight to Paul Martin’s opinion on rock music, so why should I care so much what Bono thinks about politics?

In last year’s American election, in which we had Springsteen singing for Kerry and Britney Spears cheering for Bush, I couldn’t help but wonder whether anyone was actually basing their vote on what celebrities were saying. And if so, what does that say about the electorate?

That’s my issue with Live 8 in general. International aid and third-world poverty are serious issues, and nobody elected Roger Waters or Dave Matthews to decide how best to spend our tax dollars to deal with them.

Celebrities are human beings – often with good hearts and fat bank accounts. If they want to do charity work or get involved in worthy causes, more power to them. But when they use their charity work as a publicity stunt, it cheapens them and their cause.

It also creates issues among fans who respect celebrities for their art but dislike their politics. Should I refuse to watch Sean Penn’s movies because I don’t like his soapbox political views? No, that’s mixing issues, isn’t it? But by suggesting that his celebrity status lends credence to his politics, the celebrities themselves have mixed those issues, leaving someone like me to either have to avoid art because of politics, or wonder if I’m implicitly supporting politics because of art. When I go to an Our Lady Peace concert and, in the midst of screaming and cheering, Raine Maida shouts that we should “send a message to Bush to stay out of Iraq”, it puts a sour taste in my mouth. Regardless of his message (I’d feel the same way if Raine said the opposite), suddenly I’m no longer at a rock concert, but at a political rally. It didn’t say that on my ticket. I didn’t pay for that. All it did was to make me feel manipulated and used.

The most reasonable point I’ve ever heard from a celebrity on the issue of celebs in politics comes from Alice Cooper:

“To me, that’s treason. I call it treason against rock-and-roll, because rock is the antithesis of politics. Rock should never be in bed with politics. If you’re listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you’re a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we’re morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal.”

Cooper’s comments were made in the context of last year’s US election campaign, but they’re equally valid for issues like foreign aid and world trade.

So let Bono think that Paul Martin is “infuriating”. That’s fine. I don’t really care. I may disagree with Martin an awful lot, but here he is being eminently reasonable, refusing to make lavish promises he can’t keep and instead sticking to more immediate, gradual commitments. Foreign aid in itself won’t solve African poverty overnight. And, despite what he may think, Bob Geldof is not uniquely qualified to tell us how to think.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe – just maybe – if Bono were Canadian and had actually voted for Martin, then his criticism might be a bit more valid. In the meantime, please stick to rock music and let the politicians stick to politics.

Yesterday, for anyone who’s been living under a rock lately, was Live 8. In nine cities around the world including Barrie, Ontario, acts such as U2, Coldplay, Pink Floyd, Elton John, the Who, Green Day, Bon Jovi, Dave Matthews Band, Our Lady Peace, the Tragically Hip, Blue Rodeo, Jet, Great Big Sea, and many more took to the stage in a massive free concert with the lofty goal of ending world poverty.

But with such a stellar lineup of mega acts, the show basically overshadowed the message. Millions of people watched the concerts, but I’d venture a guess that most were tuned in for the music and not for the politics.

In the meantime, will governments really drastically increase foreign aid just because a bunch of rock stars sang their hits? Despite Bob Geldof’s insistence that it will, I have my doubts. According to a poll, 60% of Canadians believe the concerts can help alleviate global poverty, but an equal percentage believe that instead of spending an additional $12 billion on foreign aid, the Canadian government should spend it on domestic priorities like healthcare or social programs.

With the debate raging on whether foreign aid is even the answer to help poverty, it’s worth noting that simply throwing money at a problem is not a good way to make it disappear. Prominent voices in Africa have been calling for reform over funds for a long time. Isn’t it about time we started listening?

Meanwhile in Edinburgh, a friend who is currently travelling there had this to comment about the protests in advance of the G8 summit (no link because she wrote the comments on a personal travel blog and probably doesn’t want a bunch of strangers showing up):

I don’t know if you are all aware of this, but there is a G8 summit going on in Edinburgh in about 2 days. The ‘festivities’ started today with the ‘Make Povery History’ protest. There were well over 100,000 people marching through Edinburgh. [ . . . ]

In general, it did not disrupt our day of touring at all. The march seemed peaceful, so all was well. At one point in the afternoon [ . . . ], I watched the protest go by. As I did so I got more and more frustrated. I think that you all are aware of my generally left of center views. I believe in excusing third-world debt, and in ensuring that every person have a minimum standard of living. Nonetheless, much of what I saw at the protest made me angry. (Warning, I’m going into a rant. Either brace yourselves or stop reading here.)

- This was a protest for poverty, so why confuse the issue? People were walking around with Palestinian flags. While there is a time and place for presenting that opinion (and it is an opinion), why at the voicing of a cause that is so overarching?

- Many of the placards carried were for the Socialist Workers party. In addition, there were a few communist flags about. I see this as changing the issue. Why alienate the crowd? This is about solidarity, not about highlighting separations.

- Parents brought their children who were often infants. Why make an ideological choice for someone who is too young to make it themselves?

- There was so much garbage thrown on the floor. If you are going to discuss a global issue, why ignore another one? Pollution is as much of an issue as poverty. How could anyone in that crowd be so single-minded? Isn’t their point that they are aware?

I dealt with closed-minded people who are under the opinion that they are open-minded all year. It was my job. I didn’t need this on my vacation. People are stupid.

I can’t say I’m surprised – these summit protests frequently attract a wide variety of people, most of them well-meaning and many of them not so well-intentioned. I just hope that things don’t devolve into the type of violence that we’ve seen at these things in the past.

A divided U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Monday that putting framed copies of the Ten Commandments in county courthouses violated church-state separation, but it allowed a commandments monument in a larger display on a state Capitol grounds.

The two 5-4 rulings on the politically charged issue of displaying the Ten Commandments on government property came in a pair of cases regarded as the most important of the court term concerning constitutional separation of church and state.

Display issues aside, I can’t help but wonder what the Ten Commandments are even doing in a courthouse in the first place. To quote the West Wing episode:

Sam: There is a town in Alabama that wants to abolish all laws except the Ten Commandments.
Tobey: That’s odd.
Sam: Well they’re going to have a problem.
Tobey: Because the Constitution prohibits religious activity in any form connected to government?
[ . . . ]
Sam: I just mean, some of those Commandments are pretty hard to enforce [...] Coveting thy neighbor’s wife, for example. How are you going to enforce that one?

Yeah, I’m not sure how a court of law would prove coveting. Do you get witnesses to comment on longing glances?

This time I was in New York for 4 days, so I set out to make them as enjoyable as possible. Between the Collective Soul concert Wednesday night, the shopping accomplished on Thursday, and my “free day” on Saturday filled with a visit to MOMA and an off-Broadway play, I have to say, mission accomplished.

The great thing about New York is that, whatever any other place has, you can always count on New York to have more of it. Muggy heat, crowds, tourists, lineups, honking taxicabs… it all gives the city that indescribable constant energy current that can’t quite be equaled anywhere else.

Sometimes it’s the little things that make New York what it is. Being stuck on a subway car for about 20 minutes during a “signal problem” is, I discovered, the makings of a great one-act play. There’s not much you can do about it, but some people react by swearing, pacing and constantly checking their watch, while others just sort of sit back and wait it out.

It’s baffling how people actually live in New York, what with the high prices and the constant people. But I can’t imagine ever getting bored there.

Sometimes, Murphy takes a nap.

This isn’t exactly a shock. Everyone knows Wacko Jacko is guilty, but knowing it and proving it are two different things. And the evidence in this case has been a mess.

We can expect his millions of fans to equate legally not guilty with factually innocent. But I still maintain that any parent who exposes their child to Michael Jackson ought to be sued for child abuse. If an adult wants to be a fool, fine, but what kind of twisted parent would allow a child to sleep in the same bed with him?

Now the real question: will Michael Jackson swear to track down the “real molester”?

By the way, I wonder if you’d hear laughter in a theatre anywhere other than Quebec at the lines about “killing the separatists”.

Former child star Nathalie Simard, trying to heal from years of sexual abuse at the hands of a man she considered a second father, is suing disgraced entertainment czar Guy Cloutier for $1.2 million.

This has been a major story in Quebec since it broke, mostly because Cloutier, and his daughter, mega-vedette Veronique Cloutier, were so well-known before on the Quebec entertainment scene. Nathalie Simard’s decision to go public is sure to keep the story going for even longer.

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling will give a midnight reading of the sixth book in her hugely successful series at Edinburgh Castle in Scotland to coincide with its publication, the writer announced Saturday.

Rowling said on her Web site that newspapers and bookshops in six countries will choose 70 children between ages 8 and 16 who aspire to be journalists to go to Edinburgh for the reading of “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

Those attending the reading early July 16 will get a copy of the book to read before questioning Rowling at a “children’s press conference” the next day, she said.

Ok, I’m feeling better now. (Pun intended).

I need to interrupt regularly scheduled programing to rave about tonight’s Collective Soul concert at the Metropolis. There is no other band that I know of that brings so much sheer energy to the stage. I’ve been blown away every one of the six previous occasions I saw the band, and I was blown away once again tonight. Absolutely phenomenal.

The world’s done shaking me down…

Anyone taking bets on how many years Britney’s kid-to-be will wind up spending in expensive therapy?

Congratulations! You are Miranda.

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I also think I’m a bit addicted to that show.

It was my first Collective Soul fix in over 4 years, and I don’t think I realized how much I missed it until today. One interview, a bunch of great music, some autographs, photos, and chatting with the band later, I’m a very happy person right now.

Hey, I guess it’s better than Apple or Clementine.

Like after most concerts, I won’t be able to hear properly for a couple of days… but it’s all good – maybe I won’t be able to hear noisy neighbour.

I haven’t watched the show in years, but it used to be almost a family tradition to tune in and watch the weekly political gags. Morgan’s biggest hit gag was probably “Mike… from Canmore”. I used to laugh so hard that I almost cried.

Farewell, Mr. Morgan.

Also, Live released their greatest hits CD/DVD, Awake.

It’s nice to see a show ending on a high note, rather than staying on too long and sinking into mediocrity.

I wonder how many IQ points Jennings has over Bush. And I wonder what scenario is funnier: Jennings running for President, or Bush on Jeopardy.

Tonight’s episode kept hovering between propaganda and naiveté, and left me too busy rolling my eyes to truly be angry about its portrayal. It wasn’t even on-target enough to make me angry.

An article in the Forward disagrees (link requires registration). But I’m not sure what TV show the article’s writer was watching. Certainly not the same show I was.

I’ve written before about how upset I am over the West Wing’s plunge from brilliance to mediocrity. Now I can’t help but sigh… and miss what was.

The felt flew during a rain-drenched Times Square debate between President Bush and Democratic contender John Kerry – in puppet form – on the afternoon before the real deal in Florida.

Thanks to “Avenue Q” producers and cast members, the naughty puppet citizens of the Tony-winning Broadway musical launched edgy questions about such edgy issues as unemployment, gay marriage and military service during Thursday’s “Avenue Q & A.”

It was a one-time-only comedic event that warned: “Any similarity between puppets and actual presidential candidates is purely coincidental.”

Three cheers to Avenue Q, one of the most brilliant, funny shows I’ve ever seen, for this hilarious concept. I bet the debate was more interesting than the real one.

C’mon guys, please tell me you won’t stoop to that level!

“Somewhere, Walter Cronkite is rolling over in his grave.”

“Walter Cronkite is still alive.”

“Not according to my sources.”

—

I’ve also been introduced to the world’s most addictive card game. Play it at your own risk.

—

I hate washing dishes. I think we need to invent self-cleaning dishes. Like the self-cleaning oven. Same concept. They’d sell like hotcakes. (What exactly is a hotcake? And if they sell so many of them, how come I’ve never seen one for sale?)

—

At a trip to the library today, I experienced my usual frustration at finding all the books I wanted to read checked out, with 15 people on their waiting lists and no chance of getting my hands on them until 2007. Unless, of course, nice people buy me presents from my Amazon wishlist (hint, hint). But then I stopped to think about what would happen if everyone suddenly decided to return their books at once. No way would there be enough space in the stacks for even a quarter of all the books that the library must own.

—

Being a night owl is really tough when you have a day job. No wonder I hate mornings so much. Goodnight.

When Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., told the [Republican National Convention] delegates about “a disingenuous film maker who would have us believe that Saddam’s Iraq was an oasis of peace,” they knew he was referring to the maker of “Fahrenheit 9-11.”

Asked about McCain’s remarks, Moore said, “I can’t believe they’re dumb enough to bring up the film and help its box office.”

But Mikey, I thought profit motive was a bad thing according to your ideology. Oh right, profits made by you are good. Profits made by any other rich white guys are bad. Oops, sorry, so hard to keep it all straight.

Yes, we’re proud of living up to our stereotypes.

So why am I so amused? Is it a simple case of schadenfreude? Maybe. Is it because I can’t stand Svend Robinson and his self-righteous arrogance and I enjoy seeing people like that having to face up to what they’ve done? Perhaps.

No… no, that’s not it.

It’s because his lawyer’s name is Michael Bolton.

Hahahaha.

I can’t help it! It’s too easy! There’s a reason they made a whole gag about it in the movie Office Space:

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.

Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.

Samir: You know there’s nothing wrong with that name.

Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it… until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Samir: Hmm… well why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?

Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.

Let’s see… horrible musician, character in a movie, and Svend’s lawyer. Sounds like the start of a joke. “Three men named Michael Bolton walk into a bar…”

Okay, I’m easily amused. The secret’s out now.

“It’s a moving film,” Yeslam Binladin, a Geneva-based tycoon and one of the al-Qaida leader’s 54 siblings, said in an interview with the French magazine VSD.

“I even laughed at times,” said Binladin, adding, “but a lot less when he states errors or inaccuracies about my family, knowing perfectly well that he’s deceiving the public.”

I hope it heartens Michael Moore to count the Bin Laden clan among his fanbase. I wonder if he’ll take their criticisms of his habit of playing loose with the truth seriously. Probably not.

Both made contributions to the cultural tapestry of Israel, particularly in the 1960s. Their voices will be missed.

Cool!

Twin Cities filmmaker Mike Wilson’s upcoming “Michael Moore Hates America” details his unsuccessful attempts to interview Moore, the director who won an Oscar two years ago for “Bowling for Columbine.” Moore’s earlier film, “Roger and Me,” detailed his own failed attempts to interview General Motors honcho Roger Smith.

(Via Meryl).

As promised, Michael Moore lit a powder keg Monday at the Cannes Film Festival: His incendiary Fahrenheit 9/11 riled and disturbed audiences with a relentless critique of the Bush administration in the post-Sept. 11 world.

If Moore can get the movie into U.S. theatres this summer as planned, the title Fahrenheit 9/11 could become a rallying cry in the fall election for voters hoping to see Democratic challenger John Kerry defeat President George W. Bush.

The article goes on to basically worship Moore and buy all of his lies hook line and sinker, including the whopper about Disney blocking its distribution. It also pays little heed to Moore’s critics:

Yet Moore – the provocateur behind the Academy Award-winning Bowling for Columbine, which dissected American gun culture – packages his anti-Bush message in a way that provokes both laughs and gasps.

[ . . . ]

Even those skeptical of Moore, who has drawn criticism that he skews the truth to fit his arguments, were impressed.

“I have a problematic relationship with some of Michael Moore’s work,” said James Rocchi, film critic for DVD rental company Netflix, saying he found Moore too smug and stunt-driven in the past. “There’s no such job as a standup journalist.”

Yet in Fahrenheit 9/11, Moore presents powerful segments about losses on both sides of the Iraq war and the grief of American and Iraqi families, Rocchi said.

“This film is at its best when it is most direct and speaks from the heart, when it shows lives torn apart,” Rocchi said.

Oh, spare me.

All in all, more laughs than the average comedy feature film. (I wish I could link to them, but the once-wonderful Adcritic.com has become a subscriber-only service. For those of us advertising buffs, that was a real loss.)

All in all, the festival makes you realize that (a) soccer is really really really important in the rest of the world, especially Great Britain, (b) European ads are so much better than ours and (c) advertising can be fun.

But paying? To see ads?

To people who consider advertising an intrusive or even corrupting influence on our lives, they would probably be aghast at the notion.

But advertising is more than just sales. It’s a real art form. And while creative alone won’t always sell the product, at least seeing ads like these inspires those of us in the business to work harder to create something truly great.

Okay, all of you who think advertising is evil can throw rotten fruit at me now…

Behind door number two, we have Canada’s most recognizable number-two man who is now acting as number one.

Bono praised Paul Martin for his efforts to fight AIDS on an international scale:

Irish rocker Bono praised Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin for leading the developed world in efforts to combat HIV/AIDS and poverty in the developing world.

A beaming Martin, who is expected to announce in the next 10 days that a general election will be held in June, laughed as Bono quipped: “I am not here to elect Mr. Martin.”

But pressed on political issues, Bono gave Martin a strong endorsement, insisting “this politician has kept his promises to me … so far.”

I know: come election time, let’s all vote for Bono! After all, he’s “Even Better than the Real Thing”.

Dissecting the current dust-up, it seems clear that Disney never intended to distribute Moore’s film. Maybe the Mousketeers are cowards, but at least they are consistent. And Moore is whining now only to hype the pre-Cannes buzz. Sources report that Miramax never planned to release the Moore film, that it was always slated to come out through Lions Gate.

Let’s see, what’s the appropriate reaction here? Ah yes: Liar, liar!

Incidentally, it’s a lie that seems to have caught on. This morning on the radio, Terry DiMonte was decrying “censorship” and saying that he hoped it cost Dubya the election. Moore himself is planning to speak in Toronto today (probably in front of a crowd lapping up his anti-Americanisms like poetry). And I guess it’s not all that shocking that he would try to sell the film on a publicity wave of controversy. But when the lies come from a so-called “documentarian”, it sure says something about his credibility.

Update: Why does it not surprise me in the least that Janet Bagnall has been sucked in?

Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11,” which criticizes President Bush’s handling of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and connects the Bush family with Osama bin Laden’s, won’t be released through Miramax Films on orders from parent company Disney.

Disney chief executive Michael Eisner said Wednesday the company “did not want a film in the middle of the political process where we’re such a nonpartisan company and our guests, that participate in all of our attractions, do not look for us to take sides.”

Unfortunately, some other company probably will distribute the film, ensuring that it will see the light of day and not end up on the bottom of a trash heap where it clearly belongs. But, true to character, idiotarian-extraordinaire Moore never misses an opportunity to see a conspiracy theory:

Moore believes The Walt Disney Co. is worried the documentary would endanger tax breaks the company receives from Florida, where Bush’s brother Jeb is governor and where Disney World is located.

“What tax break?” Florida Gov. Jeb Bush responded. “We don’t give tax breaks, that I’m aware of, to Disney,” Bush said. “I appreciate the fact that Disney creates thousands and thousands of jobs in our state.”

I see… so our next Moore treat will be a film about how Mickey Mouse is really responsible for all war and conflict. Gotcha.

This season, the saddest story has been the demise of The West Wing which, once upon a time, was one of the best shows on television.

It was already in trouble last season. But since Sorkin’s departure, the show has taken a steady plunge into crapville. Oh, I still watch, but more out of habit and wistfulness than genuine interest.

C.J. Cregg, who was one of the more refershing characters on television, has turned into a whiny, holier-than-thou crusader for nonsense causes she understands nothing about. Josh can’t seem to rise above petty snivelling and royal screwups. Leo has turned into a complete and utter cynic. And nothing that President Bartlet has said in the last year has amused or moved me in any way.

It’s a real shame, cause the show was so good. It makes me want to cry. Where has all the good T.V. gone?

Just as we are busy denying that the Jews control the world, it turns out that we do. Look what a wonderful job we have done publicizing Mel Gibson’s movie, The Passion of the Christ. Only we could take a film of unrelenting torture – by all accounts not a pleasant experience – entirely in Aramaic and Latin, and turn it into one of the best-selling movies of all time.

Haven’t seen it. Have no plans to see it. And somehow I think the publicity was generated more by the Christian religious groups than the Jewish ones. But why add fuel to the fire?

I guess I should be proud – a win for not only Canada, but my home province of Quebec. But I haven’t actually seen the film. And nobody except people from Canada will really care about who won one of those “filler” categories which, let’s face it, is exactly what the Best Foreign Language category is. When Canada starts making movies that can compete on equal footing in the big categories, the way our recording artists do at the Grammys, then maybe I’ll pay more attention.

The acceptance speech was at least not as dry as all the others of the night. “We’re so thankful that Lord of the Rings: Return of the King did not qualify in this category”. With 8 Oscars so far for LOTR, and counting, that statement elicted a good laugh.

Update: If that speech was one of the better acceptances of the Oscars, Sean Penn’s acceptance speech for Best Actor in Mystic River was one of the worst. He got up there and immediately said “the one thing any actor knows, other than the fact that there were no WMDs, is that there’s no such thing as ‘best’ actor”.

Does the man have so little class that he’s utterly incapable of shutting up about politics for one night?

Update #2: That’s 11 Oscars for Lord of the Rings.

One finale where the girl returns from Paris for the old boyfriend is enough, thanks, I don’t need to see it twice.

You’re the best, mom!

Good parody is never having to say you’re sorry.