The folks who run the National Center for Atmospheric Research have a great rundown of the details of the AO Oscillation. In short, high pressure in the Arctic forces the jet stream south, and it drags cold air with it, chilling North American and northern Eurasia. In its opposite mode, those same regions tend to be much warmer. Right now, we’re in such an extreme high-pressure event that the readings have run off the scale of NOAA’s AO index. Fortunately for those hoping to warm up a bit, the AO is a weather event—it often changes states multiple times within a single season, and there’s no clear evidence linking its behavior to climate trends.

(Hat tip: Sera).

With only a few days till Christmas, people are scrambling to finish their shopping and their preparations before heading out to visit their families. Or else they’re pack for all-inclusive trips south to a sun destination. For me, it’s none of the above – but I am very much looking forward to a few days off to catch up on my sleep. That is, if I can manage not to get sick in the meantime.

The good news – other than the Habs’ two wins in a row, that is  – is that from today onwards, the days start getting longer.

• A cyclist (you have to be pretty hardcore to cycle in this weather) wearing a full ski helmet, ski goggles, and a ski face mask, every inch of his face protected against the cold.
• Two women, both wearing their jacket hoods with faux fur pulled over their face and eyes, walk smack into each other in a pedestrian head-on collision, neither one willing to brave the wind enough to watch where she is going. They apologize, of course.
• The underground city tunnels about as crowded I’ve ever seen them, full of pedestrians who, like me, have decided that walking through shopping malls and government buildings is preferable to braving the cold for too long.
• A man belatedly stringing up Christmas lights outside a storefront, cursing and swearing to himself as he tries to assemble them without removing his gloves. Good luck with that, buddy.
• The guy handing out the free metro paper outside Square-Victoria metro is reportedly sporting a runny-nose moustache.
• Endless greetings in multiple languages that are variations on “F—, it’s cold!”

I love winter. But I love it more when it’s warm enough to snow. Where’s this global warming thing that they keep talking about, anyway?

On principle, I usually oppose excess government regulation, especially when there’s scant evidence that it is warranted (e.g. the handheld cell phone ban, which has popular but virtually no evidentiary support). But, unlike that law, I happen to think that this one is very sensible.

Look, people, it’s quite simple. In Quebec, we have winter. Winter means lots of snow. And ice. And cold. If you’re driving in that weather without proper winter tires, you’re not only endangering yourself, you’re endangering everyone else on the road. The rubber compound in winter tires is designed for the cold temperatures, and the tread provides more traction on snow and ice. Last winter, 10% of cars on the road didn’t have winter tires, but they accounted for 38% of accidents. Driving without winter tires in winter isn’t safe. Period.

There are provisions made for people who store their cars or go south for the winter. There was plenty of warning to get equipped. The main difficulty will be in enforcement, and police will probably grapple with that one for a while. But aside from that, it’s a good law, designed to protect drivers and passengers and prevent deaths.

Most of the whining seems to be about the cost of winter tires. But owning and operating a vehicle costs money. Even if you own your car free and clear and are no longer making car payments, there’s insurance, gas, parking, maintenance, all to the tune of thousands of dollars a year. Winter tires will cost you several hundred dollars, true, but you can amortize that cost over several seasons. Plus, you’ll extend the life of your summer tires by only using them for half the year.

Bottom line: The cost of winter tires is a fraction of the total cost of car ownership. If you can’t afford the tires, you shouldn’t be driving a car, so quit whining and get a bus pass. You’ll save thousands and help the environment, too. Otherwise, invest in a good set of winter tires. For your sake, and for everyone else’s.

I headed over to Marché Jean-Talon for fresh fruits, veggies, cheese, meats, bread and other assorted goodies. Not knowing quite what to do with all the apples I bought, I decided to bake apple cake… except then I realized I don’t own a cake pan anymore, so they turned out to be apple muffins. They still taste pretty good, if I may say so myself.

Fall foliage in Quebec City two weeks ago

Apple Muffins

Enjoy the Indian summer while it lasts!

And next year will be a decade since Ice Storm ‘98.

How time flies…

The heat has many effects on me, none of them pleasant. Sunburn, dizziness, general lethargy… and laziness. The kind that leads me to sit in a vegetative state in front of the fan, trying not to move, avoiding anything that involves work or even mental exercise.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, yes, I’m actually trying to justify my lack of blogging by claiming heat exhaustion.

Okay, it’s a lame excuse. But, really, it’s just too hot outside to get all hot and bothered about the news lately. Even though there’s plenty of it to stress about, to be sure. But lately, I can’t help but feel that writing about it is serving no practical purpose other than self-agitation.

Never fear: I’ll be back to my usual ranting and raving self as soon as it cools down a bit. Meanwhile, back to my summer of barbecues, terraces, cold drinks and mental laziness. I highly recommend it.

The warm, sunny weather has brought the entire city out from hibernation, literally overnight. The cafés and restaurants have opened their terraces, the bicycles have come out of storage, the parks and streets are full of people shopping, mingling, or simply out enjoying the weather.

It’s always hard to predict exactly when this will happen, but it’s nearly always my favourite time of year, and reminds me how lucky I am to live in possibly the greatest city on earth. Enjoy!

In Ohio, snow and ice combined to cause traffic nightmares, travel delays, and the death of a 9-year-old girl.

Meanwhile in Chicago, they got a whopping 8.8 inches of snow… and freaked out. In Oswego, they refer to this as “summer”. It’s all relative.

Here in Montreal, we had temporary amnesia that we’re actually Montrealers, and people massively overreacted to the threat of a snowstorm. Maybe people were afraid we’d get 11 feet of snow, like in Oswego? In any case, the amount of people cancelling plans, closing schools, and panicking over the mere few inches of snow we received is just shameful. It’s just snow, people. We get it every winter. Life goes on.

The skiing should be good this weekend, anyway.

I get giddily happy when it snows, so I was dancing around like a little kid most of the day enjoying the weather.

Here are a couple of snapshots:

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Driving through the darkened streets was eerie, with a Halloween-like effect as the ice-laden tree branches shone in the reflection of headlights. Dinner with the folks was by candlelight – luckily it was cooked by the time the lights went out. And those with generators are finding that their lights act as beacons to neighbours seeking the use of a stove or a battery charger.

It’s only been a few hours so far, but most people in the dark pockets are already digging in for the long haul, as there’s no word when Loto-Hydro will have things up and running again.

Luckily I seem to still have power (knock wood) so I’m hoping things stay lit and warm here. And the trees really are beautiful; if the ice hasn’t melted off them by tomorrow, I’ll try to get some photos in the daylight.

Buffalo lay all but paralyzed Friday after a record-breaking early snowstorm whited-out the brilliant colors of fall, buried pumpkins and apples and caught this city world-famous for its wintry weather flat-flooted. At least three deaths were blamed on the storm.

The heavy, wet snow snapped tree limbs all over western New York, leaving some 350,000 homes and businesses without power.

A state of emergency was in effect across the region, banning all nonessential travel. Branches and power lines lay draped across cars and houses, and normally busy downtown streets were still, blanketed by up to two feet of snow.

It’s really rare to get any snow at all in October, and when it happens, it hardly ever does more than dust the ground before melting quickly away. And that’s Montreal I’m talking about; for Buffalo, it’s even weirder. For a massive snowstorm of this scale to hit Buffalo at any time of winter is pretty extraordinary, but in mid-October?

I blame Friday the 13th. Hey, it’s as good an explanation as any.

And just in time for Rosh Hashanah too. Apples and honey… mmmmm….

It’s also leaf-peeping season, an activity with a comical name but lots of great photo ops. It was a beautiful day today, sunny and clear and hot enough to be mistaken for summer, but with that fabulous fall crispness in the air that just makes it great to be alive. Here are a few pictures from today’s foray out to Parc Saint-Bruno:

Soon enough, it will be winter and we’ll all be grumbling about the cold. In the meantime, let’s all enjoy fall, while it lasts.

Who thought it would be a good idea to put them up in an apartment building, anyway? My neighbours, that’s who.

Living in a wind tunnel just got much more musical.

One week till Labour Day. Seems summer is just about over.

It’s been one of the warmest winters on record, so I can’t say the news comes as a surprise. Frankly, I’m getting annoyed. This weather is wreaking havoc with my ski season, not to mention turning the roads into giant potholes.

Just to name a few…

My polling station is at an elementary school right around the corner from me, so I walked over and arrived a few minutes after the polls opened.

Firstly, shame on the city of Montreal for failing to salt the sidewalks outside the schools being used as polling stations. This environmentally-friendly gravel-only policy is all very well and good, but there are plenty of senior citizens or other mobility-challenged people in my area who were having lots of trouble getting in and out of the building.

At any rate, when I got inside, it wasn’t too crowded; only about a dozen people were in line in front of me. What I didn’t know then was that all of them were for the same poll number – mine – and that they had been standing there for 10 minutes already. It would take another 25 before I could go in.

All the other polls were empty, and people were being directed straight inside when they arrived. However, at my station, there was an elderly woman with a visual impairment and someone accompanying her, and apparently they were having problems because it took them over a half hour. In the meantime, they weren’t allowing anyone else to vote. Never mind that there were two people at the table, and only one was helping them. Never mind that there were five other completely empty tables with nobody there. No, we all had to wait it out, because they didn’t have any kind of provisions for people with special needs to be taken aside and assisted without holding up the line. Smart, eh?

All I can say is that if the country is being run the same way as this election, then we’re in bigger trouble than I thought.

But here I am, dug out of all snowbanks and warm and dry at home… on the boss’s orders. Go figure. (Maybe the fact that it took him nearly two hours to get into the office might have made him more amenable to cancelling work for the rest of us).

So far, over 30 centimetres have fallen, and the prediction is for quite a bit more, and it’s created quite a mess on the roads:

Ministère des Transports traffic camera: Autoroute 40 at Iberville at 11:15am

People are still getting around, but the going is very, very slow. One traffic report mentioned that employees of the Tim Horton’s on Cote de Liesse near Hickmore were serving coffee to stranded motorists who had parked and gotten out of their cars, figuring they weren’t going anywhere for a while.

It’s really kind of sad, though. We Montrealers love to brag about how even the biggest snowstorms leave us unfazed. And yet, here we are, the first major dump of the season, and suddenly traffic is a nightmare and schools, flights, and pretty much everything else is cancelled. Sure, the snowfall occurred mostly at rush hour, and it’s falling too fast for the snow crews to keep up, but it still seems like we ought to be able to cope with the white stuff a bit better by now.

Oh well. Time to curl up with some hot cocoa and watch the snow from the window.

Of course, that’ll all wash away this afternoon when the temperature climbs and it changes to rain… but that’s a good thing, cause this procrastinator hasn’t yet changed her tires. (Yeah, I know, spare me the lecture).

Winter’s officially here.

And tomorrow, Halloween. We all know what that means: Chocolate goes on sale on Tuesday!

Tropical Storm Wilma is the 21st named storm of the 2005 season and is expected to become a hurricane before heading to Mexico’s Yucatan peninsula and possibly the battered U.S. Gulf coast by the end of the week.

The last time this many storms formed since record-keeping began 154 years ago was in 1933.

Am I the only one who finds it a bit anachronistic that insurance companies still refer to “acts of God” in those words in their policies?

Still, I bet the religious nuts – the ones who believe that the end of the world is imminent – are having a field day this year. Hurricanes, tropical storms, earthquakes, tsunamis… it’s all way too biblical for my taste.

It’s times like this when I’m grateful to live in Montreal; we may get cold weather and ice storms, but at least we avoid the more disastrous weather phenomena such as earthquakes, tsunamis or hurricanes.

A statement from the National Weather Service in Slidell, near New Orleans, Louisiana, warned that much of the affected area “will be uninhabitable for weeks, perhaps longer.”

With highways out of the city jammed and people seeking refuge in the Superdome, things are certain to be a mess there for a while. I guess that’s what happens when you build a city below sea level. Here’s hoping that everyone stays safe.

Montreal Mayor Gerald Tremblay called the sudden downpour of rain an “act of God.” But he spoke Wednesday about the need for the city to take steps to ensure such acts don’t end up causing headaches for residents every time they occur.

“We can’t correct a system that has been in place 50-60 years ago and that has to be revised for the 21st century,” said Montreal Mayor Gerald Tremblay.

“That’s why we have to invest billions of dollars.”

Tremblay has promised to devote $10 billion over the next 20 years to replace the system, and he has the full support of Quebec Premier Jean Charest.

Let’s put aside the issue of whether newer is better, in light of the fact that one of the worst spots is the brand-new L’Acadie interchange, just completed this year after millions of dollars of taxpayer money were spent. Our system isn’t bad because it’s old; it’s bad because it’s bad. Montreal has lousy roads, legendary potholes, poorly-maintained pipes and water mains that have a habit of bursting in the wintertime. This isn’t new and it’s not going away anytime soon.

These are empty promises for Tremblay to make. Today, he’s placating angry people who have water damage in their basements or who got stuck on flooding highways yesterday. And by the time he actually has to spend a dime, someone else will be in office – both his office and Charest’s. They’ll have other spending priorities, like referendums or language police. And we’ll all forget about it… until the next flood.

The massive amount of rain that is pouring at the moment has turned streets into rivers, underpasses into giant lakes, and forced closures of major arteries causing traffic nightmares all over the city. The Decarie Expressway is closed in both directions, as is the 40 at L’Acadie and the 13 at the Dorval tunnel. Dozens of smaller roads and underpasses are blocked off or impassable. Sirens can be heard everywhere as frantic motorists try to avoid getting stuck underwater.

I skipped my evening plans when I realized I’d never get there, and instead simply drove home – which proved not to be so simple. But now I’m watching the rain from my window.

Visuals to come as soon as they’re available. In the meantime, if you need to be out in this, be careful.

Update: Here are some images from Cyberpresse:

Decarie Expressway

Another of Decarie Expressway

More cars stuck on the Expressway

People had to abandon their cars as the Decarie flooded

Update #2: La Presse has some eyewitness accounts from people who were stuck on the Decarie River – er – Expressway this afternoon. About 15 people had to crawl out of their cars from the windows or the sunroofs. One woman lost her shoes and had to walk barefoot in several feet of water. Another man, with water up to his arms, had to push his car out of the water. People who had to escape their cars were given blankets and coffee in a nearby church. Canoe also reported numerous basement floods in about 150 homes.

The Metropolitain Expressway has been closed in both directions near the l’Acadie circle. Several vehicles had to be abandoned because of sudden accumulations of water. Some drivers sought refuge on the roofs of their cars.

The construction at L’Acadie that took millions of tax dollars and several years was finally completed this year. But now it seems like the road and the drainage system can’t handle a little summer rain.

The spokeswoman from Transport Quebec on the radio this morning was trying to compare today’s rain to the flood of ‘87, when over 100mm fell within 2 hours. But moments earlier, an Environment Canada meteorologist said that the amount of rain that fell was fairly typical for a summer shower, and certainly nothing approaching the ‘87 flood level. Transport Quebec doesn’t seem to want to admit that they bungled the road work, nor do they seem inclined to do anything to fix it.

Ain’t it great being a taxpayer, knowing our money is so well spent?

At the moment it’s 32 degrees with 52% humidity. Yesterday was even hotter and more humid.

Things to do on an insanely hot weekend to keep cool:

• Sit in front of the floor fan and try not to move.
• Take 4 showers a day cause the minute you get out of one, you need another.
• Go to Calories (where it’s air-conditioned) and order two frozen lemonades, drink them fast and get brain freeze.
• Go to a Blue Rodeo concert – indoors!
• Sit in Marieke’s living room with the A/C on and play with her cats.
• Two words: Ben & Jerry’s.

Things that I was probably insane to have done in this heat:

• A 5 kilometer walk around Westmount Park to raise money for spinal cord injuries.
• Cooking pancakes for breakfast.
• Blow-drying my hair after a shower.
• Spend even a short amount of time in the sun (I don’t tan, I burn).
• Attempt to sleep at night in my top-floor apartment with no air conditioning and very little breeze.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy it’s summer. I just wish it was a little less intense.

Update: Dan led me to notice a typo in the original post – that should’ve said 82% humidity, not 52%. According to the weather report, the temperature felt more like 40 degrees than 32. Here’s hoping things cool down a little so I can finally get some sleep.

I hope everyone enjoyed the glorious weekend.

Figures that I’d have picked today to schedule my car for maintenance. The normally pleasant 10-minute walk from the metro to my office was loads of fun, let me tell ya. I can sure pick ‘em.

On the bright side, this is great news for the ski hills – they’re predicting 20cm in the Townships.

Unfortunately, I spent most of my time there in hotel conference rooms. But I did return home this weekend to a pleasant weather surprise of our own: warm, sunny Montreal temperatures.

Yesterday was a great day to be outdoors. We went up to Tremblant and joined the crowds skiing on the thin snow coverage and taking the sun in the long lift lines. It was so warm, in fact, that we needed air conditioning in the car on the way home.

I know it’s just a ruse, and that winter will be back in full force shortly. I know that at the first temperature dip, everything that melted will freeze back over and turn Montreal’s streets and sidewalks into a skating rink. I know that the minus 25 temperatures and windchills are not over, they’ve just called a temporary truce.

But hey, my theory is to enjoy it while it lasts.

Current indoor temperature: due to broken radiator, about the same.

My fingers are too frozen to blog at the moment. More when the heat gets fixed.

Update: Monday 8pm – heat still not fixed. But loaner space heater making apartment semi-bearable.

Damian, I sympathize. I really do. But look on the bright side: at least by you, it’s warm enough to snow.

We headed to Tremblant today. It was my first ski day of the season, which means that tomorrow I will probably experience my first ski-related leg muscle pains of the season. In fact, practically every time I go skiing, I wonder what masochistic impulse leads a usually rational human being to wake up at 7am, dress in layers of high-tech uncomfortable clothing, spend ninety minutes in a car driving to a ski hill, putting on still more gear including big clunky ski boots, and spending a day in the cold skiing down a mountain at breakneck speeds. That sentiment tends to linger right up until the moment I get off the chair lift and start skiing down the first run. Then it disappears.

Overall it was a fun day. A bit icy, a bit foggy, but the temperature was perfect and, while there was precious little sunshine, at least there was no wind. The big dump of snow led to some great conditions early on. And despite failing to take a warning sign about ice seriously, no major injuries were sustained. I even managed to roll my eyes in a typically Montreal fashion at a billboard ad for Caribbean beach vacations that we passed in the car on the way home. What, give up skiing for sunshine and warm weather? Me? Perish the thought!

Some may disagree. But winter rules.

Yep, winter’s here.

Gratified as I am that the blue collar workers have seen fit, in their infinite grace, to perform some cursory salting and de-icing on the sidewalks of some major arteries, I don’t live on one of those, but on the myriad of small streets in the Snowdon area. Moreover, my street is on a slope.

Therefore, allow me to explain the joy that is my life every time I have to take my dog outside: I open the front door, descend the stairs, reach the sidewalk, and try my damnedest by using a combination of tap-dancing, the Funky Chicken, and walking like a penguin to keep myself from sliding into parked cars, or all the way down the street on my face.

Granted, I’ll admit that one can have nothing more than a passing acquaintance with the adjective “funny” until you’ve seen your dog slip, spin one hundred and eighty degrees in the air, and fall flat on his back whilst taking a leak, but, all comedy aside, this is no way to live. (I should also note that comedy value decreases exponentially if one’s dog is still on its leash and one ends up sprawled across the hood of a car whilst laughing.)

Where I live (NDG), it’s no better. Even at the best of times, the sidewalk by my building isn’t exactly well-maintained. These days, it’s a veritable skating rink. If you think it’s easy skating in heels, *you* try it while carrying 5 bags of groceries.

The Blue Collar workers who agreed to binding arbitration but kicked up a fuss when it didn’t come out in their favour are being petty and nonsensical. They’re also endangering plenty of people who have to get around on dangerously slippery sidewalks. They’re predicting more freezing rain for tomorrow, and the workers had better get their acts together before the situation gets much, much worse. As Paul says:

To sum things up, I stand by my original statement. Montreal’s blue collar workers’ union is made up of lazy, overpaid, inconsiderate arseclowns. If they think that the public is behind them, they’re very sadly mistaken, and I would like to see them called on the carpet for the massive amount of injury and inconvenience that witholding basic services has inflicted upon the residents of this city.

Couldn’t agree with you more, Paul.

Maybe it’s the frustration of getting soaked while impatiently chipping away at the layer of ice on my car. Maybe it’s memories of the Ice Storm of 98. Maybe it’s having all the sidewalks turn into skating rinks. But whatever it is, I absolutely detest freezing rain.

Hey precipitation: make up your mind. Rain or snow. Pick one.

Update: Ok, now the freezing rain is really starting to piss me off, what with the power failure this morning chez moi. I just hope it’s back now cause I really am not looking forward to having to throw out all the food in my freezer.

By mid-morning, it had mostly been washed away as the temperature rose enough to change the snow to pouring rain. Still, there was enough snow for me to break out the boots this morning and to cause me to have to quickly brush off the car in the afternoon.

I just wish that 90% of Montrealers wouldn’t forget how to drive every time it snows.

I knew I couldn’t stay cooped up indoors, so I went out walking and window-shopping. I ended up hitting up some Montreal landmarks, like the St-Viateur bagel factory and the Jean-Talon market. I came home with bags full of mouth-watering goodies… way too many, in fact. There’s currently an apple cake in my oven, thanks to my inability to resist the fresh apples.

Days like today, it’s good to be alive.

But now it’s the most depressing day of the year: Tuesday after Labour Day. This means that summer is really over. The days are getting shorter, not longer. It’s too early to be hopeful for next summer. Everyone goes back to work, back to school, back to the grindstone. No more vacations or sunshine or lazy summer days until next year.

Grumble grumble.

Heavy downpours last night and today brought back flashbacks of the 1987 flood. That time, we ended up with an early emergency evacuation from day camp and three inches of water in our basement. This time, it doesn’t seem like there will be any consequences more serious than some water accumulation on the street corner. Nonetheless, all this rain is causing my apartment to feel like a sauna, humidity-wise… and my hair is very unhappy. It’s protesting. Which brings me to the other Murphy’s Law: when you pay to get your hair done, the weather will suck. Always.

Rain rain go away.

But, whether it looks like it or not, the eight days of eating cardboard are once again upon us. And you know that the reason most of us keep at least some degree of kashruth on Passover – even those of us who don’t bother with it the rest of the year – is so we can moan and groan and complain about how bad the matzah tastes.

Passover is different from a lot of other holidays because it doesn’t involve mere ritual or even belief, but action. From cleaning the house and changing over all the dishes, pots, and pans to cooking for two seders with twenty-plus people at each… anyone who wants to observe Passover has to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty, so to speak. It’s not about words, it’s about deeds.

Even for those of us who draw our lines a lot more liberally, Passover is something of a pain. Oh sure, Manichewitz makes out like a bandit, but the grocery bill alone at this time of year is enough to make most of us wonder why the addition of the UP symbol seems to double or triple the price of most items.

But despite all of the annoyances of Passover, there’s something about it that makes it seem, well, to borrow a well-worn cliché, different from all other nights. Coming together to recount history and observe tradition, and – perhaps most importantly of all in these times – celebrate freedom. And there’s a moment when the entire family gathers at the seder table and – in between my uncle’s snoring and my little cousin’s attempt to mash all food items into the carpet – I realize that this is what it’s all about. Cardboard and all.

Chag Sameach.

Woohoo!

We’re supposed to get dumped on tonight. Hopefully there’ll be some good ski weather.

During one of the coldiest and snowiest winters on record, Shubenacadie Sam, Nova Scotia’s best-known groundhog, got the weather-prediction wheel moving early Monday. He failed to cast a shadow upon emerging from his burrow, and according to legend that’s a sign that spring is just around the corner.

But within minutes, Sam’s sunny outlook was soon cast aside when Punxsutawney Phil, Pennsylvania’s prognosticator, and Wiarton Willie, Ontario’s weather woodchuck, saw their shadows after squirming out of their burrows.

Seeing a shadow, according to tradition, means six more weeks of winter is on the horizon.

That’s ok with me, as long as “winter” means weather like today, and not weather like the majority of January.

In the meantime, Tom pointed me toward this absurd tidbit about the amusing – though somewhat annoying – 1993 Bill Murray comedy “Groundhog Day”:

Unknown to Fred, and probably to most of the people in snow-bound Punxsutawney, Groundhog Day is now associated in the minds of many spiritual seekers with redemption, rebirth and the process of moving to a higher plane.

It seems Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and a host of other spiritual-seekers are convinced that “Groundhog Day” represents the basic tenets of their respective faiths.

Punxsutawney Phil as Jesus? Hey, why not?

The Canadian Temperature Guide:

(10* C)Californians shiver uncontrollably,
Canadians plant gardens.

(1.6* C)Italian cars won’t start,
Canadians drive with the windows down.

(0* C)American water freezes,
Canadian water gets thicker.

(-17.9* C)New York City landlords finally turn on the heat,
Canadians have the last barbecue of the season.

(-51* C)Mt. St. Helens freezes,
Canadians Girl Guides sell cookies door to door.

(-73* C)Santa Claus abandons the North Pole,
Ottawa canal opens for skating.

(-114* C)Ethyl alcohol freezes,
Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.

(-273* C)Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops,
Canadians start saying, “Cold eh?”

(-295* C)Hell freezes over,
Leafs finally win Stanley Cup!

But I think somebody needs to tell that to the average Montreal driver.

Yesterday it was snowing. It’s January. This is not an atypical or unusual event. Okay, so it was icy underneath the snow. But that happens frequently as well. Temperature drops are not exactly news to us here.

So why is it that a little bit of snow caused rush-hour panic on the roads? Could somebody please explain to me why it took almost triple the amount of time as usual for me to drive home, all because of a little snowfall?

The salt trucks and snowplows exist. I know they do, because our tax dollars fund them. So where were they yesterday? Certainly not near any roads that I was on. And most Montrealers have snow tires… and if they don’t, they should and they are idiots with no excuse. After all, where do they think they’re living anyway? It’s not exactly news that Montreal gets snow in the winter. It’s happened every year for a very long time. Why does it come as such a shock to people? And why does snow seem to give every moron out there a license to drive like a total idiot? News flash: an inch of snow on the ground does NOT entitle you to run red lights, block intersections, or clip somebody’s bumper and drive along because it’s too cold outside to stop and exchange insurance information. (If the asshole who did that last one to me yesterday is reading this, you’re lucky that your license plate was too dirty and salt-stained for me to read).

If Montrealers want to keep our bragging rights that life goes on as usual here when it snows, then we have to grow up and learn how to deal with winter. After all, we can no longer make fun of Toronto for their hockey team… we need to hold onto something!

So get proper tires, a shovel, a snow brush, winter wipers, and top off on the windshield washer fluid before you head out on the roads this winter. Snow is no excuse for sheer idiocy.

And after digging my car out from under two feet of snow and then spending over an hour in traffic, I have to echo Terry DiMonte in saying “shame on the city for not getting the job done”. Megacity anyone? More like mega-mess.

It didn’t seem to depress these guys too much, mind you.

But with the first drop in temperature yesterday, and it hit me that summer is winding down. Labour day weekend is in a week, and while for me it means little, because work continues as usual, other people are heading back to the classroom or even leaving Montreal. The “lazy hazy crazy days of summer” are drawing to a close . . . and soon enough, winter will be upon us and we’ll be wistfully remembering the nice weather and warm temperatures.

The French funeral directors association said 10,416 had died during the first three weeks of August because of the heat wave and projected the death toll for the month from the heat wave would be 13,632.

The French government admitted Thursday as many as 10,000 people may have died in the heat wave.

Ten thousand. That’s an incredibly staggering figure. How to even contemplate it, let alone explain it? And the fact that this is happening in a supposedly modern, Westernized country with plenty of water and medical care makes it all the the worse. How could the health authorities have been so slow to react?

Okay, that last one is caused by people, not nature. But the rest of the occurrences – while some argue that global warming can account for the more extreme weather – all seem to be just a coincidence. And probably no worse than the kind of things that happen all the time.

But if I were a religious person, I might start to get a bit suspicious. Some of the stuff in the headlines lately has been way too biblical for my taste. I think I’d start wondering whether G-d was punishing us for something or other.

And that, to me, gives considerable insight into the psychological roots of religion in the first place. It must have just seemed too weird to people to think that natural disasters such as earthquakes, hurricanes, or floods, would happen naturally and coincidentally. It was easier, perhaps, to attribute them to the greater plan of some supreme being. Because belief in G-d – like natural disasters – has the effect of making us feel small. I can see how it would be comforting to people – especially centuries ago when even less was known about these things than we know now – to think that someone was holding the controls upstairs, and that there was some rhyme or reason to the whole thing.

So then, the next thing to question would be, what exactly are we being punished for? That’s where it all began, I bet – finding targets. I can just see the allegations now:

“We’re being punished because of of the witches!”

*Killing spree with ‘witches’ burned at the stake*

“We’re being punished because of the nonbelievers!”

*Crusades, inquisitions, torture and forced conversions*

“We’re being punished because of the infidels!”

*Planes crash into buildings*

Hmmmm. So maybe we can’t relegate this kind of irrational behaviour into the dark ages. Or maybe the dark ages are threatening to swallow us up again. Certainly, if groups like Al Qa’eda are allowed to win this war against society, then that’s what will happen.

Is that what is at the root of it all? Simple human fear? It seems so simple, doesn’t it? I mean, it has to be more complicated than that. Doesn’t it? The explanation for centuries of war and religious persecution has to be based on more than the search for a scapegoat for G-d’s wrath.

But the bible is full of it. The ancient Israelites would lose a battle and a prophet would tell them it was because they had “displeased G-d” in one of many ways. Perhaps by not being religious enough, or united enough, or by assimilating too much into the surrounding population. It’s a common theme throughout the whole book that is the root of the major monotheistic religions.

Even today, the Vatican is threatening Catholic politicians with eternity in Hell if they don’t push forth a political agenda that continues the legalized discrimination against gays and lesbians. I somehow don’t find it so far-fetched to see the religious right campaigning on the basis that the SARS epidemic or the Mad Cow scare were “punishments from G-d” because of homosexuality. Or abortion. Or any of the other things they get all up in arms about.

We need to take a collective deep breath and use our brains before jumping to conclusions. Let’s recognize these events for what they are – either natural disasters, or man-made problems with reasonable cause-and-effect explanations.

And, more importantly, let’s recognize that, just because we can’t explain it yet doesn’t mean it can’t be explained. Human knowledge is progressing every single day. What made no sense whatsoever 1000 or 100 years ago can today be explained using modern science, technology, or understanding. Imagine how much more knowledge is still out there, waiting to be discovered! And isn’t it time to stop blaming religious vengeance for anything that we simply have yet to discover?

Update 08/07: It’s gotta be just a coincidence that the Gazette’s Mike Boone was thinking along the same lines when he wrote his column.

In case you’re looking for some entertainment, check out the Link’s board for more on the story below, and a very indignant Adam Slater initiating a pissing contest. Reading the interaction I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at the sheer idiocy of politics at Concordia.

Ah yes, and don’t forget to vote tomorrow!

With longer days and nicer weather, people are coming out of hibernation. It’s about time!

I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have winters like these.

A snowman at the Kotel

Just the other day I was on the phone with a friend of mine in Israel and she was complaining about how much she missed our Montreal winters, and how jealous she was of me for having gone skiing and how she wished she could be here. All I can say is, be careful what you wish for. I don’t think Haifa (where she lives) will see much snow – probably just rain – but still . . .

Relief efforts are underway to help, and Damian Penny is on top of the situation, having sent the link to donate to the Red Cross appeal around the blogosphere.

I apologize for not posting this up sooner.

The good news is the comments seem to be working again!

The good news is the weather forecast is predicting warmer temperatures starting tomorrow, when it will go up to a practically tropical minus 3! By Wednesday, we’re supposed to be above the freezing point. I may even get my night skiing in on Thursday!

At least we’re not in the midst of a blizzard like the Eastern United States, or under water like Badger, Newfoundland.

I wish this cold snap would break so I can go skiing already!

How much snow would cause this kind of shutdown? 2 feet? A foot? No, 2 inches! That’s right, two inches were recorded in Central London, and 3-4 inches in surrounding areas.

Before we laugh at the poor Brits too much, though, let’s just remember that we in Montreal get the highest urban snowfall in North America on average, and we know what to do with it. We have snow removal services, salt trucks, snow tires, and snowplows. Most people in London don’t even have so much as a snow brush handy in their cars. I bet most of them don’t even know what one is!

Update: Damian e-mailed me to inform me that I was wrong in stating that Montreal has the highest urban snowfall in North America. According to Statistics Canada, Montreal gets an annual average snowfall of 214.2cm. That puts us in seventh place in Canada, behind Ottawa, Halifax, Fredericton, St. John’s, Charlottetown, and Quebec City. Whoops. I guess the statistics I was reading were off . . . or maybe they were referring to urban centres of above a certain population (Montreal is by far the largest of all the cities listed above).

London, however, gets such a small amount of snow on an annual basis that I couldn’t even find a published average.