Segacs's World I Know

Posts Tagged ‘yom kippur’

Have an easy fast, y’all.

These ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are traditionally the days when Jews ask forgiveness from people and from G-d for any wrongs we might have done throughout the year.

I’m not religious by most definitions, but I’ve always liked the concept, and particularly the notion that we need to be forgiven by people before we can be forgiven by G-d. The latter part is personal, but the former is, I believe, a prerequisite for all people of any religion or background who live in a society. See, a sin against G-d, such as failure to keep Shabat or eating pork, could only potentially affect the person committing it, so it’s up to each of us to decide for ourselves what we choose to observe. However, sins against our fellow human beings cause real harm to people. It’s the so-called “victimless crime” argument; a crime becomes more serious due to the consequence of committing harm to someone else.

So, in that spirit, I ask forgiveness from anyone reading this who I may have wronged in the past.

And, if you’re in the process of doing the same, and one of the people you happen to have wronged last year is Stephen Colbert, here’s how to make amends:

Wednesday in the office was one of those do-a-zillion-things-at-once-to-try-to-leave-before-the-holiday-starts days. So of course I didn’t hear about this until it was time to leave and try to make it to the West Island with enough time to eat something before the fast started:

A toxic spill in the West Island yesterday forced people to stay indoors and shut down part of the Trans-Canada Highway, causing chaos for motorists.

[ . . . ]

The driver escaped without injury, but the accident burst open the truck’s container, exposing its contents to the atmosphere.

A hazardous materials response team from the Montreal fire department worked with local firefighters to attempt to limit the danger. But the chemical ignited about three hours after the truck turned over.

The “hazardous material” was sodium hydrosulfate, which, upon igniting, filled the air with its by-product, sulfur dioxide. The rotten egg smell was especially pleasant to be breathing while sitting in traffic that looked something like this:

Photo credit: Montreal Gazette

Anyway, they got it all cleaned up eventually, and hopefully nobody will get cancer because of this in 30 years.

(By the way, I even made it to Kol Nidre services on time).

Hope everyone had a meaningful fast, and best wishes for a good year.

10. Pick a long song, like “American Pie”, and try to remember all the words.

9. Play anagrams with the English side of the Machzor text.

8. Start a rumour that a high school classmate is engaged to a political figure… but refuse to say which one.

7. Insert random words into the songs where everyone sings along, and see who notices.

6. Make eye contact with a relative on the other side of the mechitza and try to communicate using rudimentary sign language.

5. Say hello to all the people who you haven’t seen since last year and have no intention of seeing again till next year, and score them on a scale of 1 to 10 based on how convincing their fake conversation is.

4. Debate what would be more appropriate for the the President of the congregation who deems it necessary to bore everyone to tears with his 45-minute speech during Kol Nidre services – a hook, a band, or a slow clap.

3. Start a chorus of boos when the same president stands up the next night at ne’ila to give yet another speech 5 minutes after the shofar was supposed to be blown.

2. Sleep. Especially effective during the Rabbi’s sermon.

1. First row of the men’s balcony section method: Start a betting pool as to how long the Rabbi’s sermon will be, and buy the winner a steak dinner at a popular “kosher-style” restaurant after the holidays.

With Yom Kippur beginning at sundown, everyone’s walking around today wishing each other an “easy fast”.

I’m not sure why we do this. Maybe it’s because, unlike happy holidays, there isn’t really an appropriate greeting for Yom Kippur (in English, anyway). It doesn’t seem appropriate to wish someone a “happy” Yom Kippur – it’s not a happy holiday. So really, what most people think of when they think Yom Kippur is the fasting.

Of course, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. We refrain from food and drink on Yom Kippur so we won’t be distracted by it… in theory, anyway. In practice, the lack of food and drink has become the focal point of the day. We discuss it endlessly, rather than focusing on the real meaning of the day. We make a much bigger deal of it than it really is, talking about it the same way Canadians spend half of every winter complaining about the weather. The lack of food is such a distraction, in fact, that I can’t help but think that permitting food on Yom Kippur would direct more people’s attention towards prayer.

Perhaps instead of “have an easy fast”, we should say “have a meaningful fast” or something along those lines. Or use a greeting that has nothing to do with fasting.

G’mar chatima tova.

It seems to me that people ought to be used to the routine by now. Closing services have been the same in all the years I can remember. Yes, the service will go long. Yes, the Rabbi and the synagogue president will make long thank-you speeches to rival those at the Academy Awards. Yes, we’ll have to take the time to do arvit and havdalah before they blow the shofar and let us go home and eat. This isn’t news, people! It’s been like this every year! But people react to it like they do to the first snowfall of each winter – with disappointment, as if they were hoping that maybe it wouldn’t happen this year.

Oh well. 364 days till next Yom Kippur.

Have an easy fast, everyone.