Segacs’s World I Know

Just in time for Passover:

A homemade bomb exploded in front of a Jewish community centre last night, causing a scare but no injuries or damages.

The bomb went off in front of the door of the Ben Weider Community Centre on Westbury Ave. about 11 p.m., blackening the pavement outside without touching the building. A number of employees were inside at the time of the explosion, Montreal police Constable Marie-Claude Berard said.

The incident was caught on surveillance camera. Investigators are looking over the tapes and interviewing witnesses in hopes of obtaining a description of the suspect, Berard said.

For the moment, no notes or threats have been reported to lead police to label this a hate crime, though investigators are considering all possibilities, Berard said.

Thank G-d nobody was hurt. And I hope they catch the bastards and throw them in jail. But really, what else could it be but a hate crime?

Want to travel from Ottawa to Amsterdam this summer? Bruce asked Google Maps for an itinerary. Here’s what it came up with.

Good luck with Step 23, Bruce.

The New York Rangers’ shit-disturber Sean Avery, who not only contributed two goals and an assist to the Rangers’ 7-2 pounding of the Leafs, but also punched out Darcy Tucker in the first period, for good measure.

The Rangers and the Leafs are both in the playoff race against us, but a Rangers’ win was actually the best thing for the Habs tonight, because it kept us in 8th place. Not to mention, I just like seeing the Leafs lose on general principle, and seeing them embarrassed is just icing on the cake. Especially when it involves Tucker being knocked flat on his ass.

Now, this doesn’t mean I’ll have any love left for Avery when we face the Rangers on Thursday. But for tonight only, the man’s my hero.

The Two-Minute Haggadah
A Passover service for the impatient.
By Michael Rubiner

Opening prayers:
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)

Overview:
Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we’re free. That’s why we’re doing this.

Four questions:
1. What’s up with the matzoh?
2. What’s the deal with horseradish?
3. What’s with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What’s this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It’s called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story:
Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child-explain Passover.
Simple child-explain Passover slowly.
Silent child-explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child-browbeat in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children:
We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover:
It’s a long time ago. We’re slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren’t so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues:
Blood, Frogs, Lice-you name it.

The singing of “Dayenu”:
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would’ve been enough.
If he’d punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, if would’ve been enough.
If he’d parted the Red Sea-(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything.

SERVE MEAL.

Watch the Habs punish the Bruins on Tuesday night.

(Via e-mail forward from relatives).

Check out the top 100 April Fool’s hoaxes of all time, as judged by the Museum of Hoaxes.

Royal Caribbean has been advertising a lot lately, and every time I see one of their cruise ship ads, I remember that the campaign once won an “award” for worst use of music:

The big winner, submitted by dozens and dozens of you, is Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines, which used Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” in a series of spots. As my reader Andrei put it, “Nothing says maritime comfort like a song about shooting up junk.”

This poll is a couple of years old, but most of these ad campaigns are still running, leading me to believe that either the ad execs involved didn’t know or didn’t care.

Jack Layton things that the rise of the ADQ in Quebec means that more Quebeckers will vote NDP in the next federal election:

Layton told about 100 NDP supporters on Saturday that the rise of the ADQ was spurred by a rejection of the province’s two “old” parties.

“They wanted to see something new,” he said of Quebec voters.

Well, yes, that’s true. But the similarities between the right-of-centre ADQ and the decidedly left-wing NDP end right there. People wanted change, sure, but they flocked to the ADQ, not to Quebec Solidaire. Layton might do well to remember that.

I guess it was unrealistic to expect the Habs to win every single game from now until the playoffs. But last night’s loss to the Sens was just plain ugly. We’re going to need to turn things around, starting with tonight’s match-up against the league-leading Sabres, if we expect to make it to the post-season. We’re still in this, let’s not lose focus!

Update: It was a bit of a nail-biter against Buffalo tonight, but a win nonetheless. Way to go, Les Boys!

The Age has a fantastic backpackers travel blog, full of the kind of stories that make those of us who are backpacking junkies laugh out loud. Add a dash of sarcastic Australian wit, and you’ve got reading material that will make you want to jump on the next plane to wherever. Recommended.