Segacs’s World I Know

10. Pick a long song, like “American Pie”, and try to remember all the words.

9. Play anagrams with the English side of the Machzor text.

8. Start a rumour that a high school classmate is engaged to a political figure… but refuse to say which one.

7. Insert random words into the songs where everyone sings along, and see who notices.

6. Make eye contact with a relative on the other side of the mechitza and try to communicate using rudimentary sign language.

5. Say hello to all the people who you haven’t seen since last year and have no intention of seeing again till next year, and score them on a scale of 1 to 10 based on how convincing their fake conversation is.

4. Debate what would be more appropriate for the the President of the congregation who deems it necessary to bore everyone to tears with his 45-minute speech during Kol Nidre services – a hook, a band, or a slow clap.

3. Start a chorus of boos when the same president stands up the next night at ne’ila to give yet another speech 5 minutes after the shofar was supposed to be blown.

2. Sleep. Especially effective during the Rabbi’s sermon.

1. First row of the men’s balcony section method: Start a betting pool as to how long the Rabbi’s sermon will be, and buy the winner a steak dinner at a popular “kosher-style” restaurant after the holidays.

Gay marriage is now legal in Nova Scotia.

That makes 5 of 10 provinces and 1 of 3 territories to date to legalize gay marriage. Within the year it will likely be legal everywhere, marking a giant step forward for human rights in Canada.

In the meantime, several American states are proposing constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage, including Ohio, Georgia and Oklahoma. Bans have already passed in 6 states.

The Canadian Supreme Court is due to hear arguments next month on proposed legislation legalizing gay marriage nationwide. It’s been a long time coming. Let’s hope our neighbours to the South sit up and take notice.

The U.N. has continued its uselessness this week by calling for nuclear disarmament and inspections in North Korea.

The predicted North Korean response is: “Oh yeah? And if we don’t agree, what are you gonna do about it?” The predicted U.N. response is, well, silence.

In the meantime, the U.N. couldn’t be seen slouching on its regularly scheduled programming, so it resumed calls for a “nuclear weapons-free zone” in the Middle East – a call clearly aimed at Israel:

Israel has always said that it does not oppose signing the NPT, though only after there is stable peace in the Middle East.

It is an annual ritual at the IAEA annual conference that Arab and Muslim states try to get a resolution on the table that calls on Israel to give up its alleged nuclear weapons arsenal.

The last time they succeeded in getting such a resolution adopted by the IAEA General Conference was in 1991. Since 1987, the IAEA conference and U.N. General Assembly have passed 13 such resolutions. Israel has ignored them all.

Israel, by any normal standards, cannot be considered a threat to world security, and its neither-confirm-nor-deny policy is a necessity in a world that won’t let it defend itself from destruction by any means. Of course, since when are U.N. standards normal standards?

No, U.N. standards are more like these:

“Israel’s unsafeguarded facilities is a real threat to international peace and security,” Iran’s ambassador to the U.N. in Vienna, Pirooz Hosseini, told the conference.

Excuse me for laughing. Iran, which has openly threatened to destroy Israel with nuclear weapons, claims that Israel, who would never dream of using the nuclear weapons they allegedly posses, is the threat to world security? But Iran knows that the best way to divert attention from itself is to attack Israel, the eternal scapegoat.

Mah nishtana?

I have a feeling that most of the world expects and secretly hopes that Israel will deal with Iran’s nuclear program the same way it dealt with Iraq’s ambitions in 1981. Of course, everyone will condemn Israel for it and bluster and threaten. But none of them want to see a nuclear Iran either, and they know that Israel’s the only country that will actually do something about it.

Hypocrites.

With Yom Kippur beginning at sundown, everyone’s walking around today wishing each other an “easy fast”.

I’m not sure why we do this. Maybe it’s because, unlike happy holidays, there isn’t really an appropriate greeting for Yom Kippur (in English, anyway). It doesn’t seem appropriate to wish someone a “happy” Yom Kippur – it’s not a happy holiday. So really, what most people think of when they think Yom Kippur is the fasting.

Of course, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. We refrain from food and drink on Yom Kippur so we won’t be distracted by it… in theory, anyway. In practice, the lack of food and drink has become the focal point of the day. We discuss it endlessly, rather than focusing on the real meaning of the day. We make a much bigger deal of it than it really is, talking about it the same way Canadians spend half of every winter complaining about the weather. The lack of food is such a distraction, in fact, that I can’t help but think that permitting food on Yom Kippur would direct more people’s attention towards prayer.

Perhaps instead of “have an easy fast”, we should say “have a meaningful fast” or something along those lines. Or use a greeting that has nothing to do with fasting.

G’mar chatima tova.

Let’s play a game: what’s missing from this Guardian article about a British MP complaining of “mistreatment” by Israel because his ambulance was held at a Palestinian checkpoint?

Let’s see… one-sided criticism of Israel? Check. Editorial characterization in guise of fact? Check. Quotes from the MP, Ian Gibson – who, it should be noted, was in Ramallah for a suitably vague reason (“guest of a medical charity”)? Check. Quotes from unidentified “Palestinian sources”? Check. Accusations against Israel for violating international agreements? Check.

Israeli sources?

Anyone?

No mention of any Israeli sources being interviewed at all.

No mention that the reason ambulances are often delayed or turned back at checkpoints is that terrorists use them to smuggle suicide bombers or explosives – a severe violation of international law on several counts.

No explanation of why Gibson was so insistent to be taken to a Palestinian and not Israeli hospital.

This is what passes for “journalism” by the Guardian’s standards.

In PM Paul Martin’s first address to the United Nation, he blasted the world’s inaction on Sudan and called for more rapid international action there, and in other countries in crisis:

“The Security Council has been bogged down in debating the issue,” said Martin, who pledged $20 million Cdn to assist the African Union in its drive to quell fighting between government-backed militias and rebel groups.

“While the international community struggles with definitions, the people of Darfur struggle with disaster. They are hungry, they are homeless, they are sick and many have been driven out of their own country. Tens of thousands have been murdered, raped and assaulted,” told the gathering.

“Our common humanity should be a powerful enough argument and that is precisely what is missing. Put simply, there is still no explicit provision in international law for intervention on humanitarian grounds.”

Martin also admitted that intervention in Sudan is too little, too late:

“We should have intervened last June when Canada called for it,” said Martin, who acknowledged progress had been made with a UN Security Council resolution last weekend that threatens sanctions if violence continues in Sudan’s western region of Darfur.

“It’s been a long time in coming, far too long in coming,” he said.

We could argue that Canada’s aid is also too little, too late. But realistically, there’s very little our overextended military could do.

Martin has been relatively invisible on the international scene since taking office last December. This is his first effort to try to take a leadership role, in the spirit of Canada’s past reputation. And certainly, the crisis in Darfur needs more attention to be called to it – from a country other than the US, which has very little credibility right now thanks to the Iraq situation, the election, and general anti-Americanism.

Canada’s call to action is a step in the right direction, and I think Paul Martin deserves props for his speech today and his call to action. Unfortunately, the United Nations he is addressing is one that’s hell-bent on inaction.

Two days before Yom Kippur. Another suicide bombing in Jerusalem. One dead and fifteen wounded. So far.

At least one Israeli was killed and 15 others were wounded in an terror attack at a hitchhiking station in the French Hill junction in northern Jerusalem, Israel Radio reported.

The blast, which occurred at about 3:50 P.M. on the road leading to the Dead Sea, was caused by a female suicide bomber, according to Jerusalem police chief Ilan Franco.

The bomber exploded when she was be searched by security forces.

One person is in critical condition, two people are in serious condition and 12 others are in light and moderate condition. One of the wounded was a 9-year-old child.

Do you think the Palestinian woman who blew herself up just so she could kill as many Jews as possible had children? Do you think she thought of her children when she detonated her bomb? Do you think she saw the face of the 9-year-old she was about to wound, and thought that this child was not so different from hers after all?

I don’t, either.

The Daily Show‘s take on it:

“Somewhere, Walter Cronkite is rolling over in his grave.”

“Walter Cronkite is still alive.”

“Not according to my sources.”

Organizers fear terrorist attacks on upcoming Al-Quaeda convention

Fears of possible terrorist attacks have led organizers of the Sept. 27-30 al-Qaeda International Convention to take unprecedented security measures, sources reported Monday.

“There are concerns about a possible attack, and we are responding by heightening security,” al-Qaeda chairman and convention organizer Khalil al-Hamada said. “This year’s convention will see longer lines and more comprehensive searches, and prospective martyrs will have difficulty gaining a private audience with Ayman al-Zawahiri. But, as freedom-haters who have always stood for the disruption and overthrow of the West, we will not allow terror to blunt our resolve or dictate our message.”